Redemption

       I've never really done things the "right" way. In fact, as far back as I can remember, I've done things the wrong way. It always had to be a hard lesson learned before I would result to change. And even then, it was the most minimal change that I could get away with. I was always the black sheep of my godly family. I wanted to rebel and I didn't care about consequences. I've always loved God but I've never put Him first. Even when I was a married mother it was my children first, my husband second and God third. It should've been in complete reverse order. As the years dragged on of course some things changed but the one constant remained: God was never ever number one. 
    I then went through my divorce and struggled to pick up the pieces of my broken life when all the while I could have handed it all over to my loving Father. I struggled with the guilt of failing as a wife. I struggled, once again, with the haunting guilt and shame of being "the black McGlothin Sheep" who just couldn't get it right. I struggled with seeing my sisters in their sweet marriages with their supportive, loving husbands while I would cry myself to sleep in a cold bed alone every night. My life spiraled and I found myself leading an ungodly life that, as a Christian, wasn't mine to begin with. 
    A few months ago I got to such a low that I (ashamed to admit this) really had no other choice but to FINALLY put God as my top priority. I was so sad and broken that I threw myself into His truths and while doing so I discovered what exactly it was that was holding me back from loving God like this all along. I felt unworthy. I felt like I had such a rough past and so many sins on my tab that there was no way I could really amount to much of a Christ follower.   
   
    "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new."  2 Cor. 5:17


    The more I read His word (which yes, I've read all my life but it was different this time) the more comforted I became and the more I prayed the more I felt truly loved. And I mean LOVED. Like I meant something to Him. Like He treasured me and wanted me. 


     "Praise the Lord, my soul...who forgives all your sins...who redeems your life from the pit, and crowns you with love and compassion...He does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities...as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."   Psalm 103:3-12


   Yes, I am a sinner. I have done many things that I am ashamed of. But I am a daughter of Christ. He has forgiven me, He has cleansed me. My sins do not define me. I am a new person in Him and I am so ready to embark on this new journey of redemption. If this is a little too "religious" for you well, Im not sorry. That just means you really needed to read this. I never realized how complete my life could be when I decided to put Him first. I don't have to search for anything anymore. As my relationship with my Father has grown so many things have changed in my life: everything from my language to my thought process to the way I view others to the music I choose to listen to, to the people I surround myself with to the conversations I choose to engage in...seriously, everything. I never realized how these seemingly "little" things in life had such a drastic affect. 
    So, guys, if you still doubt me (which is fine, I haven't ever really been a great example of "godly") then I encourage you to just watch. Im heading into uncharted territory but I'm fueled by a love and passion that I've never known. Be excited for me, please! It's a new life for me and my children and all prayers are so appreciated. As Christians we need to build each other up and encourage one another in our walks of faith. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. You're the best :)