Redemption

       I've never really done things the "right" way. In fact, as far back as I can remember, I've done things the wrong way. It always had to be a hard lesson learned before I would result to change. And even then, it was the most minimal change that I could get away with. I was always the black sheep of my godly family. I wanted to rebel and I didn't care about consequences. I've always loved God but I've never put Him first. Even when I was a married mother it was my children first, my husband second and God third. It should've been in complete reverse order. As the years dragged on of course some things changed but the one constant remained: God was never ever number one. 
    I then went through my divorce and struggled to pick up the pieces of my broken life when all the while I could have handed it all over to my loving Father. I struggled with the guilt of failing as a wife. I struggled, once again, with the haunting guilt and shame of being "the black McGlothin Sheep" who just couldn't get it right. I struggled with seeing my sisters in their sweet marriages with their supportive, loving husbands while I would cry myself to sleep in a cold bed alone every night. My life spiraled and I found myself leading an ungodly life that, as a Christian, wasn't mine to begin with. 
    A few months ago I got to such a low that I (ashamed to admit this) really had no other choice but to FINALLY put God as my top priority. I was so sad and broken that I threw myself into His truths and while doing so I discovered what exactly it was that was holding me back from loving God like this all along. I felt unworthy. I felt like I had such a rough past and so many sins on my tab that there was no way I could really amount to much of a Christ follower.   
   
    "Therefore if anyone is in Christ, he is a new creation. Old things have passed away, behold, all things have become new."  2 Cor. 5:17


    The more I read His word (which yes, I've read all my life but it was different this time) the more comforted I became and the more I prayed the more I felt truly loved. And I mean LOVED. Like I meant something to Him. Like He treasured me and wanted me. 


     "Praise the Lord, my soul...who forgives all your sins...who redeems your life from the pit, and crowns you with love and compassion...He does not treat us as our sins deserve, or repay us according to our iniquities...as far as the east is from the west, so far has He removed our transgressions from us."   Psalm 103:3-12


   Yes, I am a sinner. I have done many things that I am ashamed of. But I am a daughter of Christ. He has forgiven me, He has cleansed me. My sins do not define me. I am a new person in Him and I am so ready to embark on this new journey of redemption. If this is a little too "religious" for you well, Im not sorry. That just means you really needed to read this. I never realized how complete my life could be when I decided to put Him first. I don't have to search for anything anymore. As my relationship with my Father has grown so many things have changed in my life: everything from my language to my thought process to the way I view others to the music I choose to listen to, to the people I surround myself with to the conversations I choose to engage in...seriously, everything. I never realized how these seemingly "little" things in life had such a drastic affect. 
    So, guys, if you still doubt me (which is fine, I haven't ever really been a great example of "godly") then I encourage you to just watch. Im heading into uncharted territory but I'm fueled by a love and passion that I've never known. Be excited for me, please! It's a new life for me and my children and all prayers are so appreciated. As Christians we need to build each other up and encourage one another in our walks of faith. Thank you so much for taking the time to read this. You're the best :)

Love Song for a Savior

In open fields of wild flowers,

she breathes the air and flies away

She thanks her Jesus for the daisies and the roses

in no simple language

Someday she'll understand the meaning of it all

He's more than the laughter or the stars in the heavens

As close as a heartbeat or a song on her lips

Some day she'll trust Him and learn how to see Him

Someday He'll call her and she will come running

and fall in His arms and the tears will fall down and she'll pray

"I want to fall in love with You"

The above song is by Jars of Clay and has always been one of my favorites. That day has come for me. He called me. I was on my knees and I was broken. Now, He's the first thing on my mind when I wake up every morning and He's the last thing on my mind at night. Im falling in love. I want my girls to know this love. I am in the middle of a hurricane and He is still bringing me peace and comfort. If you don't know what Im speaking of, please ask and I will be more than glad to share. I hope everyone has a blessed day.

Admiration

       On February 8th, 2013, my niece, Lucy Dair Weathersby, went to join her heavenly Father. This also happened to be my 26th birthday but in a way, it felt just completely and utterly wrong to be celebrating my day of birth on the day that my sweet, tiny niece lost her chance of ever having one. The following day, my sister gave birth to her and it, to date, has been the saddest day in our families lives. Since then, the road, especially for my sister and brother in law, has been dark, broken, and at times hopeless. But at the same time, it has opened my eyes to just what kind of people I'm lucky to call my family. My brother in law, Josh, has (in my mind) done what no man could do. He has supported and loved my sister with immeasurable patience, kindness and strength. Its no lie that, due to my divorce and loss of that dream, I have a bit of a skeptical outlook on "marriage" and "true love"...but because of my sweet brother in law and his utter devotion to my sister, I can say that (while it may not be much) I do have the slightest hope that somewhere out there, maybe there are other men like Josh.

      Now it comes to my sister. Never in our entire lives did I realize, until now, what a hell of a woman she is. For those of you who have read Proverbs 31, you know then what it takes to be a "Proverbs 31 Woman"...My mother and grandmother have been the only two women that I truly ever considered worthy of such titles, but I now know three women who deserve it. Verses 28-30 say, "Her children arise and call her blessed; her husband also and he praises her : 'Many women do noble things but you surpass them all.'  Charm is deceptive, and beauty is fleeting; but a woman who fears the Lord is to be praised."                     My sister, Bethany, lost her only daughter and unlike a lot of other women, was also stripped of the chance to just try again. Here is a woman who had every right to be mad at God, to blame Him, to question Him, to turn away from Him. But instead she chose to trust Him, to not question Him, to draw closer to Him and to use her experience to tell others about Him. Through the darkest days of her life I have been touched by this woman more than any other person has touched me. I have never seen such strength, such godliness. When I look at her I see a peace that I've never seen, and I don't know about you but I want that. I hope someday, I can be like her. I can reflect my Maker like she does. I can only imagine how proud God is of His child. And if I could bet, I would bet money that He tells Lucy of the amazing woman that is her mother. What I've written are just my words, you guys should check out for yourself the incredible story of my sister, brother in law, nephews and niece. My sister has a blog, http://losinglucyandfindinghope.wordpress.com/, and I promise if you take the time to read it, you will walk away with more than you started with. 

    On a closing note, I know that every year, my birthday will be a day of sadness. I know this. But I also feel like I have a special bond with that niece of mine because of it. And some day, when I get to heaven, I'll get to celebrate that day instead of mourn it...and ill get to do it with alongside that beautiful girl. Go check out that blog now. 

 My AMAZEBALLS sister and my wonderful nephews

The Power of Nature

Sunshine. Green grass. Budding flowers. Bubbles. Sandboxes. Swings. Long walks. Wooded trails. Butterflies. Hammocks. Backyard tea parties. Coffee on the patio. Picnics. Giggles. Sister kisses. Gleaming eyes. Dirty hands. Barefooted babies. Sweet sweaty blonde little heads. Blue skies. Cool breezes. There isn't one thing I would change about this time in our lives. I'm soaking it all in, every second. I love this beautiful, hectic life. And I love the sweet little angels that I get to live it with. Counting my blessings. Happy spring time, you guys.  

        "Discovering this idyllic place, we find ourselves filled with a yearning to linger here, where time stands still and beauty overwhelms."

"There is something infinitely healing in the repeated refrains of nature- the assurance that dawn comes after night, and spring after the winter."        

     Rachel Carson

My Little Miracle

       I will never forget the exact moment I found out I was expecting my first child. I was 20 years old, not married, a party girl who had just gotten back from New Orleans and I was in complete shock. I was terrified. When I walked out of the bathroom holding that stick, my face must have given me away because my boyfriend knew the answer before I could utter the words.
      I am going to be brutally honest and admit that the thought of aborting crossed my mind. I just didn't know how in the world I, Jessica Renee McGlothin, was supposed to be a mom. I wasn't ready, it wasn't planned, I felt trapped. The decision to keep my baby is one of the best decisions I have ever made.  I got married, grew up, settled down and on February 28th, 2008 I gave birth to a perfect blonde haired, blue eyed flawless baby girl. The moment I saw my daughter I knew I would never, ever be the same. She consumed me, in the best way possible. I knew right then and there that that was what I was created for. My calling was to be a mother and since that day I have never looked back.

       My sweet little miracle baby is now five years old and blossoming into the most beautiful, intelligent, funny, feisty, caring, affectionate, considerate little lady. When I look at her I feel so many emotions. I feel blessed, I feel proud, I feel grateful. That little person changed my life and there will never be a day that passes that I won't thank God for entrusting her to me. Happy birthday to one of the true loves of my life. I am so incredibly proud to be your mother.

A little Thing Called 'Trust'

       We don't have to understand. All we need to do is trust. This has been my sweet family's anthem the past few weeks. We've cried more than we've ever cried. We've mourned more than we've ever mourned. We've cried out more than we've ever cried out. But even through the darkest, deepest valley...He is still there with us. Comforting, guiding, reassuring, listening. I've listened to this song hundreds of times and each time is more reassuring than the last:

The pathway is broken and the signs are unclear
And I don't know the reasons why you brought me here.
But just because you love me the way that You do
I'm gonna walk through the valley if you want me to.

No I'm not who I was when I took the first step
And I'm clinging to the promise Your'e not through with me yet.
So I'll follow these trials that bring me closer to You
And I will walk through the fire if you want me to.

And it may not be the way I would've chosen
When you lead me through a world that's not my home
But you never said it would be easy
You only said I'd never go alone.


So when the whole world turns against me
And I'm all by myself
And I can't hear you answer my cries for help
I'll remember the suffering that your love put you through
And I will walk through the darkness if you want me to.

So when I cross over Jordan, I'm gonna sing, I'm gonna shout
I'm gonna look into your eyes and say, "You never let me down."
So take me on the pathway that leads me home to You
And I will walk through the valley if You want me to.
Yes, I will walk through the valley if you want me to

Amen, right? I'm not a perfect Christian. I screw up, I fall down, I curse more than I should, I don't read my Bible as much as I should but I tell you what, friends: I will always trust  Him and I will always find comfort in the fact that He has a plan for our lives.  

A Parent's Prayer

A Parent's Prayer

When a child is apart,
even for a little while,
a parent says a prayer.
We ask the Lord to protect…
to be where we cannot be,
to go where we cannot go.
In Him we place our trust,
for He sees, He knows.
Though how your heart must break,
parted for now from your little one,
know that the Lord keeps your little one safe,
with Him, where we all belong.
He will keep your child in a loving embrace,
just as He keeps you, a child, too.
That is His answer to a parent's prayer,
that is His love --
forever, everywhere. 

In Loving Memory of Lucy Dair Weathersby 

Little Snowdrop
The world may never notice
If a Snowdrop doesn't bloom,
Or even pause to wonder
If the petals fall too soon.
But every life that ever forms,
Or ever comes to be,
Touches the world in some small way
For all eternity.
The little one we long for
Was swiftly here and gone.
But the love that was then planted
Is a light that still shines on.
And though our arms are empty,
Our hearts know what to do.
Every beating of our hearts
Says of our love for you.
~ Author Unknown

He = Hope

      I used to write about my faith a lot. Things got a little rough, my lifestyle got a little rough, and because of that I thought I couldn't write about it anymore. But through the past few months I've come to the realization that no matter where I am in life, I will always, always fall short. But I don't think He wants me to not talk about Him or my love for Him on account of my shortcomings.

      I got a little emo in church this past Sunday. Pastor Fred's sermon was (as usual) just what I needed to hear. I had my little Cam snuggled up tight next to my chest, and when communion started being passed around all I could think about was the hope that we have because of Him. My children are growing up in a dark world, in a broken home, with evil lurking around every corner. But because of Him, because of His sacrifice, there will always be a safe place my children can go to. As a parent, that is soooo comforting. I may fall short, but He never does. It's so amazing to see my children surrounded by such godly teachers at school and at church and hearing about the lessons theyre learning about God's love. He is our light in this darkness, as long as we are constantly seeking Him, we will always have hope. That feels amazeballs, right?! I think so too :)  

Bring It

                                                                           2013.
    Things I am certain are going to happen this year: My sweet Cam is going to turn five. FIVE. She is then going to start kindergarten in August. My baby is growing up before my eyes. Also, my little Lily Belle is  going to turn two. No more toddling and needing Mommy to hold her hand while walking. Speaking of Mommy, I am going to turn 26. That's right, I will officially be closer to 30 than 20. As far as certainty goes, those are the only things I know for certain are going to happen. However, I can tell you this. I am so full of hope for this new year too. So, here are some things I am hoping for: I am hoping for the best year of our lives. I am hoping to be an even better mother than I was last year. I am hoping to excel as a child of God. I am hoping to better myself as a daughter, as a sister, as an Auntie and as a friend.
    I am certain that this new year will be full of ups, downs, all arounds. I am certain that there will be tears, giggles, spankings, hugs, kisses, boo boo's, scrapes, bruises, laughter and love. I am hoping to handle it all with grace and I am hoping to put all the pain we endured last year in the past and to not necessarily forget about it, but to learn from it and move the heck on. I want to be present (physically of course) mentally, spiritually and emotionally for all of the princess dance parties, snowball fights, fort building, attempted camping trips, dress up throw downs, water balloon fights and whatever else is certain to get thrown my way this year. This is our crazy life and I wouldn't want it any other way. Happy New Year, friends. Embrace the now, love those who are here in the present, remember those we loved in the past and forge ahead into the unknown.