Something Beautiful

I have alot of feelings. I am also very in tuned to these feelings. When something makes me happy,I like to dance and sing. When something makes me sad, the tears just don't stop coming. When something makes me mad, I'll find fault with everything and everyone. Like I said, my emotions are a strong thing. And sometimes I feel completely overwhelmed. I think about all the loved ones I've seen come and go in my life, about my past sins that have caused others pain, about things I should have said or done, about my homeland, Africa, and how much my heart misses her; I think about dreams I have that I want to fulfill someday, about the dreams I have for my daughter's life, about all the non-believers in our world who are living in darkness...and my heart and soul feel completely overwhelmed.

It's easy for me to question God. It's easy for me to get offended and wonder why there's so much pain and sin in the world. But when I stop, shut my mouth, open my ears and get down on my knees, I remember the cross. The cross that my savior was crucified on. The one that my heavenly Father watched His son die on. How much pain did He suffer? How much blood did He shed? How many tears did He cry? When I think about what He went through for ME, suddenly my pain and sufferings seem so small. I need to remember the "big picture". It's not about me...not even close.

He doesn't give you anything you can't handle

Yes folks, I am very aware of how much time has passed since my last blog. And no, I did not forget about it, I have just had alot on my plate lately. But it is because of these recent trials that I've been reminded just how wonderful and dependent my heavenly Father is.

On August 1st, my husband and I had to put down our baby boy, Cody Man. We picked him out as a little runt of a dog when we first started dating and he was always an ever present comfort for me. He truly gave meaning to the phrase "man's best friend". Throughout my entire pregnancy, Cody would place his head in my lap, like he wanted to be close to the miracle inside me. When Camille was born, he didn't get jealous, he simply accepted her as another person to be loyal to and protect. As a puppy, he rode in the car (in my lap, no less), everywhere I went, until he just couldn't fit anymore. Luke and I referred to him as "our son" and Camille loved him just as much as we did. We will miss him very much but I'm taking comfort in the hope that there is a "doggy heaven" and I will be able to see him again someday =)

There are other personal things my little family has been through lately as well, but we won't get into those. I can say that I don't know where I'd be without my faith to sustain me. The Lord is constantly giving me strength and support to get through these tribulations.

I would like to share an amazing story that just happened a few nights ago. Camille and I were lying in bed and I had had a particularly hard day. I was just kind of bummed out in general and as Camille was falling asleep, I wrapped my arms around her and just thanked my Father for such a wonderful little girl. And then, I swear I felt arms wrap around me and my child and I was overcome with this feeling of comfort and peace...I'm so undeserving yet He never fails me.

"I'm forgiven, because You were forsaken;

I'm accepted, You were condemned.

I'm alive and well, You're spirit lives within me

Because You died and rose again."