Bittersweet

       Life. It's passing me by at the speed of light. My Cam Cam is four and a half and my Lily Belle is almost ONE. Im trying desperately to soak in every aspect of every sweet moment with my girls. Every smile. Every giggle. Every cuddle. Every kiss. Every spontaneous hug Camille gives, or slobbery "sugar" Lily bestows on me. Lately, I haven't been able to get enough of these moments. Like God has given me a renewed appreciation for this time in our lives and I am hell bound on not letting one second go by without reveling in it.
       My friend, Whitney, was visiting with us yesterday and we were talking about how time seems to fly the older you get. I made a statement that it only goes by faster when you're a parent. Long after she left I started wondering why that was so true. Why does every day seem to go by in the blink of an eye?  I turn around and my little ones have grown an inch, are saying new words, discovering new things, always accomplishing a new milestone...it never ends!! The conclusion I came to was this: Before you have children you are watching yourself age. Focused on the new things you are learning, you're so aware of every year that you add to your age. And while this is still true when you're a parent it changes drastically in the fact that you are now watching your children get older.

       I know the word "bittersweet" is used a lot, a bit of a cliche but to me there is no other word that describes what i'm referring to. While yes, we want our children to grow up, mature, become responsible, godly, caring and independent young people, as a parent it's impossible not to reflect on the past. When I look at my Cam it's impossible to not think of the little baby girl with loads of blonde hair and the sweetest demeanor. How can I not remember the way she used to say "num num" when she wanted a snack? Or the way she used to look when she slept? Her little diapered butt up in the air, cuddling her "banket". Or when I look at my Lily, how can I not reflect on the fact that one year ago today she was still all curled up, safely tucked away inside of me, getting ready to say "hello world"? How can I look at that feisty little tow headed babe, crawling around everywhere, scaling the stairs and not get a little sad that just two months ago she was completely dependent on me to get from point A to point B? Bittersweet. One word. But no matter how old my "babies" get they will always be my little girls. Just because they get older doesn't mean they wont need me. Good gosh look at me, I need my mother now more than I ever have. So, I have hope for my future, for my kid's futures. I get to watch two amazing little people blossom, go from babies to children to young ladies and then to women. I need to learn how to sit back, give God control and relax...because we're in for one heck of a ride :)